Why I need Religion

There's a video that's gone completely viral called Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus. There's been a ton of responses and especially good Catholic responses. So I won't go into a theological response to the video because it's been more than sufficiently responded to. Instead I'll just speak from my own experience of why I don't just love religion but I need religion. This religion: Catholicism.

You see, I come from a none religious background. I was baptized Catholic for mostly cultural and sentimental reasons and that was the last time my family stepped foot into a church unless it was for a wedding or funeral. Yet this simple act of  baptism put an indelible seal on me as a child of God and a seed was planted. I hungered for God and established a relationship with Him very early on in life. I had a diary which I wrote to Him. I was a bit fatalistic and had lots of fears. But I had no guidance. I was on my own and eventually dabbled in New Age and Occult. I unwittingly invited evil into my life and I witnessed it possibly destroy someone I deeply cared about.
Ultimately, I genuinely desired a relationship with God and even with Jesus but I saw many of things that Mr. Bethke saw and frankly, those things kept me away. There was a time in my life when I would have totally related to Mr. Bethke's message. But as a life long spiritual nomad, I was always searching for truth. I finally found it in Catholicism. I finally got over myself and realized, I'm not perfect and so I shouldn't expect anyone else to be perfect other than God. I had to do the unthinkable and conform. I had to let go of control which I didn't really have to begin with. Catholicism forces me to depend only on God and gives me the tools and a conduit of grace to do that. When I go to Mass, I'm not dependent on how good the priest's homily is. He isn't able to make himself all that important. Our religion dictates that he has the Liturgy to follow and he can't stray from that. The focus is always on Jesus. It doesn't matter how bad the music is or how uninspired the priest is. He could be speaking in Spanish for all I care. I'm there for one reason alone. For Jesus. I get to receive Him, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.

I need this religion because I need to know that when I sin, once I hear the words "I absolve you from your sins..." that means I really am forgiven and I don't have to guess or wonder. I am free. My guilt is removed. Trust me, as a spiritual nomad, I felt guilt. This religion frees me from it.

I need this religion because when things are really bad I can go to an Adoration Chapel and spend time with Jesus. I can tell Him all my woes. I can cry. I can beg. I can just be quiet and feel His presence. I know that wherever there's a Catholic Church, there He is whether I "feel" it or not. (By the way, as far as big fancy Churches and Cathedrals go, why shouldn't Jesus be surrounded in the finest most beautiful surroundings? If you were building a house for God, would you put Him in a shed?)

I need this religion because when I struggle I can take comfort in the lives of the Saints who's solutions to life's problems were otherworldly and no easy quick fixes that promised something that couldn't be fulfilled. Their only solution was complete and utter dependence on God and living a life of heroic virtue up to the point of death and martyrdom. And they were witnesses of much joy and peace in spite of their hardships. Their promise was beyond this world. They always point to God and I need their friendship now as I know they are in heaven and are able to hear my prayers and take them up to God. I know they are there because of the canonization process which takes into account miraculous events as a sign from God that they are indeed partaking in the Heavenly banquet.

I need this religion because when I'm suffering, I take comfort in that Crucifix where the Lord is up there in a display of complete unconditional love for humanity. Nothing says I love you like the Crucifix does.

I need this religion because I need stability and clear cut answers on the biggest moral issues of the day and only one place offers that unchanging TRUTH no matter how unpopular and counter-cultural.

I need this religion because it was founded by the man on the Crucifix and He promised the gates of hell would not prevail against His Church and I believe Him. He started this Church and He said unless you eat His flesh and drink His blood, you have no life within you. By golly then, I will do what He says and eat His flesh and drink His blood. I will put my pride and ego away and humble myself  and do what He says. I trust in Him which means I HAVE to trust in His Church and the religion He started. Otherwise, that wouldn't be trust and you can't have a real relationship without TRUST.

I need this religion because I NEED JESUS. I need Him now more than ever. He's the only one that has brought me peace and comfort in difficult times and it's been through His Church that I've obtained these graces He offers through His sacraments. I experience joy when I should be feeling sorrow and I experience peace in a world of unrest.

I'm not going to let other sinners get in between my relationship with Jesus. I'm not going to let corrupt religious leaders get in the way between my relationship with Jesus. If one of those corrupt individuals is holding Jesus in his hands, nothing will stop me from receiving Him. How great our God is to not let any corrupt human stop us from receiving Him and His graces. I need those graces and I can only get all of them in one place. My religion, Catholicism, started by Christ. That's all I need to know and that's all I need.

Things I've learned as a Catholic: The Church is a family in all the good and bad ways.

I stumbled upon this peculiar comment from the actor Robert Downy Jr. in an interview in the New York Times. Emphasis mine.

Q. Are you religious? Many people find God as part of their recovery process and there seem to be veiled references in a few of the songs.

A. I'm not above it. But like Jung said about people using religion to avoid a religious experience, I have managed handily to avoid a religious experience. I don't know where I fall. Spiritual Green Party? There were times when I was into the whole Hare Krishna thing, which is pretty far out. Now I would call myself a Jew-Bu, a Jewish-Buddhist. But there were many times when Catholicism saved my butt.

Q. You were a practicing Catholic?

A.I was in as much when I was on the B yard and they asked me, "Are you going to Catholic services or Presbyterian services?" I think I'm going to Catholic because they just give you more stuff. More candles and there's a whole calendar where this day you read this, the next day you read that. It's like a call sheet for spirituality.

He seems reticent in his comments to just actually come out and say "I'm Catholic and I'm proud."
I've come across this throughout my time as a practicing Catholic. Even the Smashing Pumpkins leader Billy Corgan admitted to going to Mass but he added only because he was brought up in it so that's all he knows. Again, not actually embracing it but in there I read between the lines. I read in there an admission that the Catholic faith has played a more than passing role in these men's lives. The problem is it's not "cool" to be Catholic.
I know where they're coming from. The Church is a family in all the good and bad ways. She's the nagging mother that you pretend you don't need but run to when you find yourself in hot water. She's the siblings and aunts and uncles that embarrass you to no end to the point where you pretend you're not related to any of them. But she's a family non the less. A very powerful family that you can't sweep under the rug. One that makes you very uncomfortable and asks a lot from you. But always loving and always ready to bring you back into the fold even when you fail to live up to her expectations. People don't always want to admit they need their family. Sometimes they look for a "better" less embarrassing hipper family to hang out with. But those other families can't cook a thanksgiving dinner like your mom can. So more often than not, people feel sentimental about the Church even when they're away from her. But then they remember the dysfunction too and so they are reluctant to come back home.
The Church isn't cool. She's not hip. She can be nagging. She can make you feel really guilty. She has so many embarrassing children, (myself included,) and her expectation are very hard. But she loves us unconditionally. She opens the doors even if we're dirty and grubby. In times of trouble, she's there dragging us out of the ditch. If we let her, she cleans us off and looks at us like a newborn child with a clean slate.
That's family. That's the love of Christ. His gift to us. A big huge over cumbersome family with all the dysfunction you'd expect at the yearly Thanksgiving dinner. But everyone still comes together for a fabulous meal known as the Eucharist which by absolutely no coincidence means- Thanksgiving.
I love my family embarrassing relatives and all.

White Butterflies

Photo from Nature's Desktop

My conversion story would not be complete without 9/11. Just weeks before this day ten years ago I had that big conversion experience. I talked about it before on this blog where I was at my sister in law's Catholic wedding minding my own business, just trying to enjoy the ceremony. I remember Psalm 38 was sung: Taste and See.
I remember the priest consecrating the host and hearing myself crying out in my mind,
"I WANT THAT."
I remember feeling embarrassed and not understanding what THAT was. I felt like crying but it wasn't a natural time to cry at a wedding. That would be during the exchange of vows right? I remember brushing this incident aside and then we flew home. We got back into our routine and then a few weeks later it happened. I woke up with NPR running as my alarm and just listening to the day's news and side stories. Then they interrupted their broadcast. I've always been afraid of flying so any news of plane crashes sends me into a tail spin of obsessing over what happened and thinking of the poor victims and thinking how terrified they must have felt. I left for work with this heavy on my mind believing at first it was just an accident. I walked to my car and saw white butterflies. I noticed there were quite a few. I kept seeing them on my drive to work. I focused on them and was comforted by them. I took it as a message of hope and I clung on to it. But the news only got worse as the morning went on. It wasn't just one plane- now another plane, then another hit the Pentagon. Then finally the one in Pennsylvania. I called my mom to make sure my brother was o.k. since he lives there. Worse yet, it wasn't just an accident. We were being attacked.

We all stared at the t.v at work. All of us were fixated, shocked and upset. My husband was allowed to go home from his job. For some reason the bosses at my place of employment wouldn't let us go home. Needless to say, we all weren't very productive that day. Some of our co-workers including one of my managers I worked under, were in the middle of business travels and stranded at airports.

But I kept thinking of the white butterflies. Why were there so many? I had thought of them as a sign of hope but the day didn't get better. I realize today that hope isn't always about happy endings in this life. It was a different kind of hope. The hope that God is there in the midst of horror and tragedy. The hope that this life isn't it. It's just the journey. It was His way of communicating with me that there was hope. Not in this life but the next. The God of white butterflies. He pointed me to one of His many awesome creations.

God had been working on me that entire year of 2001. Things were building up to that point at my sister in law's wedding. God had been working on my cradle Catholic husband too. He kneaded us like clay pushing this way and that. He took the blinders off our eyes and followed us around dropping hints here and there. They were not all lost on me. Then 9/11 happened and He found a way to tell me everything was going to be alright. That He is bigger than any tragedy and any act of terror. But that ultimately we must put our trust in Him if we're to find that hope.

The manager I worked under finally made it back from his travels. He had joked about his plane crashing before all this happened and I chided him saying he shouldn't joke of such things. He reminded me of my reaction to his joke and we talked about how strange it was in light of what happened.  He was also Catholic and talked a lot about his involvement in his parish. He also talked about one of the parishioners who was lost on 9/11. It seemed that day really put people's faith on display. It was everywhere. The widow of this fellow parishioner's story went like this: Her husband flew to New York to sign papers at the World Trade Center. He was starting a new job and was excited that he was going to get to sign papers there. Then the 1st plane hit the tower where he was at. Upon news of the bombings, his wife's day became a surreal nightmare but she went to the chapel and prayed the rosary and as she and a nun sat in the chapel praying, she could feel a connection to her husband. She wasn't sure if he had been killed but she sensed his presence in the Chapel. There were many stories of people of faith getting through their final moments with grace. There were many stories of those with faith losing their loved one  and yet still being witness to grace carrying them through. They had that hope. They had grace.

Weeks later, I witnessed my husband going to confession for the first time in 10 years. Afterward, we went to my first Mass in ordinary time that wasn't a wedding or funeral. I was mesmerized. The liturgy was comforting. It was timeless. There was hope. During the homily, the priest talked about complacency. How we were all complacent. How people's faith were complacent. How the U.S. was complacent and this was a wake up call. My husband knew when to stand and kneel and what to say when. I heard the Nicene Creed recited. Then the prayer petitions. They had petitions for the victims and the killers of 9/11. Then the Eucharist. I sat back in longing while my husband went up.(This was before he knew he wasn't supposed to receive until our marriage was blessed by the Church and he was very sad upon that revelation...)

I joined RCIA not long after and that manager I worked under was my sponsor. He answered all my questions about the Catholic Faith. Our marriage was blessed in May and I was received into the Church in June of 2002.

So my conversion story is not complete without 9/11. When I see white butterflies I can't not think of 9/11. When I think of my journey to Catholicism, I can't not think of 9/11. And sometimes when I stood in line for communion, that woman who lost her husband that day would be at the end serving. When it came to my turn, I would be face to face with her. I would look her in the eye and she'd say with a joyful smile,
"The body of Christ."
"Amen." I responded.

And in my thanksgiving prayer I would thank God for her witness. I also thanked Him for the white butterflies.

My prayers go out to all those who lost loved ones and for all the souls who died that day. And to the woman at my former parish who lost her husband that day. Thank you for showing me your witness of faith, hope and love.

Here are some other reflections on the 10 year anniversary of 9/11
Wonder if Someone is trying to tell us something
I Saw Death: Msgr Lorenzo Albacete on 9/11
Escaped the Tide
Remember
Defining Moment

New name, sort of

Hello all who may stop by here from time to time. I've made a slight change in the name of my blog. I've moved to a new state, (bye Arizona!) and decided that since my blog tends to be more about Catholicism and less about miracles, (although Catholicism existing for 2,000 years is a miracle in it of itself,) that it was time to be a little bolder in my Catholic identity. Let's face it. Living the Catholic faith is a day to day practice, hence the term "practicing one's faith."
It requires grace, strength and fortitude and there a some, (or many,) days when I seem to have none of the above.

I'll still talk about miracles because hey, the Church is full of them. But it will no longer be the main focus of this blog.

The Bible and why we need a Church to help us interpret it.

Look at this beautiful Bible my daughter got from her Atrium meditation. She is preparing for her first confession. Each student was presented with their very own Bible and they all gasped with excitement when the teacher unveiled the Bibles fashioned with Gold ribbons and a personalized book mark. She explained to them how the Bible is God's letter to us and instructed them to never put anything on top of the Bible because it is the living word of God.
For the past two weeks, they have been meditating on the passage from John Chapter 15 and how God is the vine grower, Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. Last week she gently asked the children what this all meant and they discussed how the sap is the Holy Spirit and how we receive this sap or Holy Spirit in baptism.  She also mentioned how many times Jesus says "remain" and how if Jesus mentions something often then it's especially important.
This  past week she talked about what the vine grower does if one of the leaves doesn't get enough sap and how the vine grower will do things to support the branch. This lead to talking about the sacrament of reconcilliation to restore the sap or grace in us.
I thought how it all beautifully tied together and how each of these sacraments that we as Catholics receive are vehicles of grace from God. But would I have understood all this without the Catholic Church explaining this to me? The Bible is both simple and infinitely complex.  There are passages in the Bible that I read and I think, Yep, that makes sense, and there are passages that I come across and I scratch my head and I'm not afraid to admit, I need help understanding it. So the question remains, who do I turn to answer on the more difficult passages?
Weeks ago, I was invited to follow some other Christian blogs that are not Catholic. They'll take different verses on the Bible and basically pose their opinion on what they think it means. For example, on the Eucharist or Last Supper and whether or not Jesus was speaking literally or figuratively. Two different blogs discussed this question. Both non-Catholic and one took a figurative view and one took a literal view of it.  Now as a Catholic, of course, we believe it's the Body and Blood of our Lord. Honestly, if I were to go by my own personal interpretation and read the parallel passage by themselves, I could very easily see that to me, Jesus seems to be talking literally. But others could take the passages and say that when he says "This is my Body ect..." he is only speaking "figuratively." And both non-Catholic Christians will find different verses to support their differing opinions.  So who's right? How do they decide? They both believe the Bible has all they need to follow Jesus and yet they have completely different views on the Last Supper.

As a Catholic, I know to just go to the Church. And why should I trust the Church? I trust the Church because the Bible came out of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church decided which books were inspired and which books were not. Only the books that they decided to be inspired by God made it in. This is a historical fact. If you read the history of the Bible and how it came to be you will see a Pope had to ratify the list of books that are in today's Bible. Non-catholics have to basically trust that the Catholic Church was right in deciding which books made it into the New Testament. This took centuries to decide and the canon of the Bible didn't get ratified until almost 400 years after Jesus walked this earth. The early Church had debated and had a lot of disagreements on which books should be in the Bible. But eventually they agreed and they submitted the list to the Pope to ratify. So, I have no choice but to submit to the Catholic Church on the Bible. The reason why the Bible came to be was because for centuries in the early Church, letters and gospels would be read at Mass and they were not all in agreement on what should be read at Mass. Some Churches read letters from Polycarp, some read from Paul, some read from Ignatius. Are the letters of Polycarp and Ignatius in the Bible? No. Who decided that? The Catholic Church. For the sake of unity they had to agree on what to read at all the Churches around the world. So when you go to a Catholic Church any day of the week, no matter where you are, or what parish you go to, the readings are the SAME! The Church also had to decide which readings went together. They used typology to help them. This means there are types in the Old Testament that become fulfilled in the New Testament. For example, Moses is a type of Jesus. The story of Jesus has elements that mimic the story of Moses but when Jesus comes, all types from the Old Testament are fulfilled by Him. You can find many stories in the Old Testament and without mentioning the names of the characters, it will be almost identical to events in the Gospels. For as St Augustine said, "The New Testament lies hidden in the Old and the Old is unveiled in the New" 

I'm not that smart. I wouldn't have been able to figure this out on my own. The Church has figured this all out for me and decided what would be read so that we could see the fulfillment of the Old and New Testament.  Look at last Sunday's reading which was the 9th Sunday in ordinary time and see how there's a theme going on. Every Catholic Church around the world read these same readings for the 9th Sunday or Ordinary time.

Reading 1

Dt 11:18, 26-28, 32

Moses told the people,
“Take these words of mine into your heart and soul.
Bind them at your wrist as a sign,

“I set before you here, this day, a blessing and a curse:
a blessing for obeying the commandments of the LORD, your God,
which I enjoin on you today;
a curse if you do not obey the commandments of the LORD, your God,
but turn aside from the way I ordain for you today,
to follow other gods, whom you have not known.”

Ps 31:2-3, 3-4, 17, 25

Responsorial Psalm

R. (3b) Lord, be my rock of safety.
In you, O LORD, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your justice rescue me,
incline your ear to me,
make haste to deliver me!
R. Lord, be my rock of safety.
Be my rock of refuge,
a stronghold to give me safety.
You are my rock and my fortress;
for your name’s sake you will lead and guide me.
R. Lord, be my rock of safety.
Let your face shine upon your servant;
save me in your kindness.
Take courage and be stouthearted,
all you who hope in the LORD.
R. Lord, be my rock of safety.

Rom 3:21-25, 28

Reading 2

Brothers and sisters,
Now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law,
though testified to by the law and the prophets,
the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ
for all who believe.
For there is no distinction;
all have sinned and are deprived of the glory of God.
They are justified freely by his grace
through the redemption in Christ Jesus,
whom God set forth as an expiation,
through faith, by his blood.
For we consider that a person is justified by faith
apart from works of the law.

Mt 7:21-27

Gospel

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’
will enter the kingdom of heaven,
but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.
Many will say to me on that day,
‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name?
Did we not drive out demons in your name?
Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?’
Then I will declare to them solemnly,
‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.’

“Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them
will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.
The rain fell, the floods came,
and the winds blew and buffeted the house.
But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock.
And everyone who listens to these words of mine
but does not act on them
will be like a fool who built his house on sand.
The rain fell, the floods came,
and the winds blew and buffeted the house.
And it collapsed and was completely ruined.”

 Look at what Moses says and what Jesus says. Both say to listen to their words and to act on them. If they listen to their words and don't act on them they will be bringing trouble onto themselves. They will be cursed. We must take what they say into our hearts and soul. So we don't just pay lip service. We must be sincere. Jesus is warning us against hypocrisy.
In the letter to the Romans, St. Paul says we are saved by the Grace of God and not the works of the law. This does not mean we are only saved by our faith. This does not contradict what Moses or Jesus said. Our faith must be sincere and any works we did before being called to follow God had nothing to do with Him calling us. Our salvation is a free gift. It was through God's grace that we are saved. We must respond to that Grace. Our response is faith and works. Faith working through love. Again we must be sincere.  Jesus says we must listen to Him and act on what He says. He is God. So we ultimately must obey God. It is through grace that we can hear God and respond. We must do what God wants us to do. Jesus came to fulfill the law so St. Paul was telling the Romans that Mosaic Law wasn't what was saving them. They were saved by Grace through faith and not because of following Mosaic Law.

 It isn't by accident that the readings above are put together the way they are. The Catholic Church did that for us. The Bible came out of the Catholic Church. With the Holy Spirit guiding them, Catholics wrote it, translated it, decided which books should go into it and how it should be read together. The Catholic Church decided how the Old testament should be read in light of the New Testament and vice versa. So I will trust that the Catholic Church knows how to interpret the Bible. When you read the Bible in light of the Catholic Church it is so much more fascinating and it all fits together perfectly. I don't have to get stuck and figure it out on my own hoping the Holy Spirit is really guiding me. This doesn't mean I can't privately read the Bible. But I'm not going to read it without the guidance of the Church. Lets be honest. Individual Christians aren't supposed to be islands unto themselves. The body of Christ is not supposed to be in pieces. A hand can't do anything if it is separated from the body. So no one really interprets the Bible on their own. Somewhere along the lines they're agreeing to someone else's theology. They are adding their own extra-biblical teachings such as Sola Scriptura or Sola Fide. So for me, I go to the Church that gave me the Bible. The same Church that presented my daughter her very own Bible in Atrium last week. Thanks be to God!