I've heard other Christians use the phrase, "having a 'personal' relationship with Jesus Christ," but for some reason, I don't think I've heard a Catholic talk about it. I'm not sure why: Maybe there's another term we use instead. This isn't to say Catholics don't have a personal relationship with Jesus. For myself, after some time, I've come to discover my own "personal" relationship with Jesus. When reading the Saints, they seemed to have a very intimate relationship with our Lord. Early on in my conversion, I could see why Saints would have such a personal relationship with Him. They had merit and they had a strong sense of duty and set about to change the world. They knew what His Will was for them and they were obedient and did whatever He asked them to. So I could understand why Jesus would speak directly to them because He had a mission for them and chose them for something special.
For myself, I didn't quite understand Jesus' love. Sure, He loves me but He loves all of us. Together, we're all loved. I'm one of many. Just another soul in a mass of souls. Loving me individually was a concept I couldn't grasp early on. When I felt called to His Church, it was like a computer program kicked in. I didn't see Jesus as speaking directly to me but instead it was more like I was a bug drawn to the light. Over time, I started to develop a more personal relationship. I started to journal and attempt to allow Jesus to speak to me directly. I still have issues with discernment so forgive the disclaimers or qualifiers when I mention what I "think" to be Jesus speaking to me.
He allegedly said to me,
"You are my daughter and I love you. I knew you before you were born and have always been by your side..."
I looked back at this and wondered, "Really? But I'm a nobody. I'm not a Saint."
In theory, I understood that God loved us first but my limited intellect didn't understand what that meant. I pondered this and looked back on the times where He may have been trying to get my attention. Sure, I knew to ask God for stuff and He seemed to give it to me. However, I think I looked at it more like a transaction or loan.
I told my good friend about what I wrote down as Jesus' words. I quickly added,
"Well of course, He loves me, He loves all of us and we're all special to Him."
My friend interjected, "No, you are special to Him. You alone are special to Him."
I felt myself squirming and uncomfortable of this notion. She explained,
"When one of your children comes to you and shows you love, they are the most special to you at that moment. Think of when one of them is sitting in your lap looking into your eyes. They alone are special to you at that moment."
It became clearer to me. Yes, it's true. I haven't forgotten about my other children but at that moment I am only focused on the one who is directly communicating to me and saying she loves me and I look back at her and I say I love her. We are showing our love for each other in that moment. It feels like it is just the two of us alone in the Universe. She alone is special to me at that moment. At another moment, it might be my son looking into my eyes and then it is just him and I in the Universe.
But God is outside of time. It isn't a moment for Him. It is immeasurable. I, on the other hand, am subject to the laws of time and physics. So my moment or hour with Him is only my moment or hour.
Another day, I heard in my head,
"I died for you."
I thought, well sure You died for all of us. I heard it repeated,
"I died for you."
"But Lord," I thought, "I didn't even exist back then."
Or did I? And then it hit me. I was there. I am there when we celebrate the Mass. We are at the Last Supper and the One Sacrifice when we celebrate Mass. He said,
"This is my body, which will be given up for you..."
His body is given up for you individually and it is given up for the collective You. And then, we join the apostles and we eat the body and drink the blood of our Lord.
I then start to see how I am the cause of Jesus' suffering on the cross. I am personally responsible because He died for me personally. I become ashamed and feel saddened by my sins. I know I am not worthy and He did not deserve to die on my behalf. Put that in the context of billions of souls that He suffered and died for personally and collectively. Again, my limited human understanding can't wrap my head around it anymore than it can fully wrap around the reality of the Trinity. It can't be understood as a mathematical equation but can only be understood on a supernatural level.
St. Faustina wrote in her diary, when she witnessed His passion, that He was suffering from our sins and the horror of our sins caused Him so much pain and sorrow. She said that she would rather suffer a thousand hells then to see Him suffer for just one of our sins. His agony was over all the souls that would still continue to sin and not repent and not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. After all He was going through, He understood it still wasn't going to save everyone and this causes Him much sorrow.
So, this is my limited somewhat shallow understanding of a personal relationship with Jesus. It's more about our relationship to Him than His relationship to us. It is more about our response to His call. He has always been personally by our side. He waits for us to come to Him. Each of us alone, are special to Him when we go to Him. He says, "I love you. You are mine."
I am Yours.
4 comments:
I have trouble with this concept, too. And those words "personal relationship" or "personal savior" always make me uncomfortable, even though I know I need to have that sense of connection. Gotta figure it out.
One thing I thought of in reading your post was the Rich Mullins song "Sometimes By Step." There's a line that never made sense to me: "Sometimes I think of Abraham, how one star he saw had been lit for me." Whenever we sang it, I always changed the word ME to HIM. Until one day my (much wiser) choir member pointed out that one of those stars Abraham saw in the sky was for ME, one of his countless descendants. It blew me away, gave me a whole new way to look at things.
Why are Catholics reticent to claim Christ as our personal Savior? God has a job for each of us that no one else can do in this life. Out of the billions of people He has created, no one is exactly like another. He gifted us with exactly what we need to witness to Him. He sent His Son to die for each of us personally. The writings of St. Margaret Mary and St. Faustina show how much Christ desires that each of us love Him as He loves each of us. He has a mansion in heaven for each of us personally. He places people in our lives to help each of us become holier. We don't think of ourselves as saints because we are sinners all, but anyone in sanctifying grace is called a saint by St. Paul.
Calling Jesus Christ my personal Savior does not exclude the fact that He died so that heaven would be opened for all. It does not make me more favored or better than anyone else. It means that my relationship with Him is personal and unique to me - I have a personal obligation to Him to dedicate myself entirely to Him - living up to my Baptismal vows.
So do Catholics have trouble with this phrase, "personal Savior" because we are uncomfortable for whatever reason with what we see as Protestant terminology? Or is it because we are so overwhelmed with our own sinfulness we can't face Christ as a real person we are eternally indebted to? Or is it because we have not contemplated our relationship with Him deeply enough?
Kathleen, we actually sang that song at church today! I went back at looked at the lyrics. I never noticed before. I like that. We each have our own star. I never thought of that! That really does put it into perspective!
Hi Barbara, I think you touched on something here...
"Or is it because we are so overwhelmed with our own sinfulness we can't face Christ as a real person we are eternally indebted to? Or is it because we have not contemplated our relationship with Him deeply enough?"
Isn't this what we call "Catholic guilt?" My pastor jokes ands says Jews invented guilt and Catholics perfected it. I know as I've become more devoted I really notice what a horrible sinner I am and don't feel worthy of His love. I know that as we mover closer to the light the dirt on us is really noticeable. So it's nice to know I'm closer to the light but at the same time it's very humbling and I understand the need for purgatory because the closer we get to the light, the more unbearable our sinfulness is on us.
And I think you have a mix of things. You have many that may be lukewarm in their faith and you have some that are devoted but they don't fully understand their faith and never really understood the meaning behind something. For example, my friend's mother prays the rosary in adoration and she didn't realize she was supposed to meditate on the gospels. My friend told her about spiritual journaling and she was blown away by this concept of letting God talk to us. But she is very devoted but at the same time going through the motions because she didn't know there was more to praying the Rosary then just saying the words. I think there are a lot of Catholics like that.
Also, what you said here...
"Calling Jesus Christ my personal Savior does not exclude the fact that He died so that heaven would be opened for all. It does not make me more favored or better than anyone else. It means that my relationship with Him is personal and unique to me -"
That is what I finally figured out. My friend giving me the analogy of my relationship with my own children showed me that. Since God is outside of time and the universe He is able to have an intimate relationship with each of us at the same time because time only exists for us. But before, when I heard the phrase, I took it to mean that whoever said they had the personal relationship was bragging or being arrogant. But I know now this is not necessarily what they mean. So I accept now that I also have that personal relationship or as someone else commented I am in union with Christ and at the same time we are in communion with Christ.
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